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Life is Not Fair

22 Aug

Job 2_10

I am into week 3 of the online bible study, “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.”  I will have to say that weeks 1 & 2 went more smoothly than week 3 has.  In weeks 1 & 2, I have been working on giving up control to all of my life to God.  I have been so refreshed and revived by spending more time with God!  I know that is something I had gotten away from and was amazed and how great it felt to reconnect with Him.

Now in week 3, I have hit a stumbling block.  As I have been reading along and hearing from other women, I have had this idea, more of a fantasy really,  of going deeper with God as meaning that my life will suddenly change to roses and rainbows and all the junk will just go away somehow.   Hmph!  You know what?  It is still here too!

I was going along at a positive refreshing speed, when yesterday I took a turn and landed in the mire.  It started with a phone call.  I am starting back to college, after getting my youngest of 3 kids into 2nd grade, and also decided to put my name on the Substitute List at the school to be an classroom aide or secretary.  The application process went so smoothly, and I was soon put on the list.  I did put on my application that I would be taking classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I would not be able to sub those mornings.  It was great, I put my #PalmsUp to God and said “Use me in this endeavor, O Lord.”  I was ready for the call from the school and to be able to go and make a difference wherever I could.  Sure enough, the call came around noon yesterday.  The lady from the school said she saw that my name got put on the Sub List, and she was ready to put me to work.  (My heart was singing Yes Lord, Yes Lord, I am ready!)  The next thing she says is she has two days  and they are a Tuesday and a Wednesday.  (Meeerrrr, crash, BOOM!)  I had to explain that I am taking classes and wouldn’t be able to work on Wednesday.  Well, she really wanted to keep the same person on both days so she would talk to me later and probably be calling me again.  😦

Why??  Why is life so unfair?  Why does it seem that when I am on a road that I feel is where God wants me, that I always seem to fail?  Yes, I immediately took this as a fail.  Satan started right to work in my head and was once again reminding me that I screwed it all up, and I will never get things right.  I know this may not seem like a huge thing to others reading this, but this seems to be a pattern lately.

Later in the day, I went to pick my oldest up from football practice.  Not a refresher for me either.  I get there to watch a little of practice before they are done, and I see the coach from last year (whom I am not real fond of) coaching all the boys.  The coaches for this year are there also, they are just standing on the sidelines and not saying anything.  I am not fond of this old coach because he seems to be concerned with only a “select” group of boys and not the whole group out there.   I am not worried about my son’s playing time or position, it just burns me when I see adults not acting like they should.  I have encountered this in other areas of life as well, and I know I always will, but IT MAKES ME MAD!  When you work with children of any age, or I guess people in general you should treat ALL of them as equals and give each of them your time, attention, and respect.  Why is life so unfair?  (off my soap box now, sorry)  To say the least, this did not make my mood any better.

As I set down yesterday evening and looked over what to blog about, no matter how hard I tried, I could not muster up the uplifting, positive, reflections to post about.  Last week my husband encouraged me to “get more personal” in my blogs.  By now, you may be cursing the man.  LOL!  I decided to look back over my highlights from chapter 4.  Immediately I saw that I had highlighted Job 2:10, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”  Well, I am sure in my positive, delusional state at the time I highlighted this, I was sure it was going to be easy to answer this question.  It actually kind of stuck in my throat.

I began to once again, tentatively, put my palms up to God.  Okay Lord, what do I need to take out of today?  I know you are in control of ALL my life and this means the yucky stuff too.  I need to let go of my negative attitudes and look for You in EVERY circumstance.  As I began to confess my negativity and release all this junk in my heart to Him, I began to feel a shift.  It was small, but I was reminded of the quote from the book states, “He must be Lord of all if He is our Lord at all.”  I went to bed and asked the Lord to take my messiness and strengthen me for tomorrow.

I awoke this morning with a breath of hope in my soul again.  Could it be the words “His mercies are new every morning” are correct?  As I began to look again at my highlights from the book, I also came across the section that reads “God is using all of your experiences, both good and bad, to develop your character to match your calling.”  Wow!  So God is using my bad day yesterday and all the good ones before that to develop me.  How cool is that?  Even my bad days can be used by God.

So, why is life unfair?  I much prefer to have the happy, positive, uplifted days of my life, but I know that we must also accept the “trouble”  along with it so that God may use it to develop us for our calling!